How to Know If You're Trying to Earn God's Love

Claude Lorrain, Landscape with Saint Mary of Cervello, 1637

I was recently doing a kind of heart-inventory and noticed in myself a pattern of decision-making and action-taking that stemmed from this underlying belief: our work is what determines our worth. This seems to be a common struggle for all humanity and especially for those of us who are Christians and who want to honor God with our imperfect lives.

The working for worth belief system can be easily hidden under the guise of a strong work ethic and well-intentioned ambition. But one way to identify if we are trying to earn our place before God is if we resent “how easy” it is for those around us, or if we feel that the goodness of God should be more real to us than those who we deem don’t deserve it as much as we do. 

I’m reminded of the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42. When Jesus came to visit these two sisters, Mary immediately found a place at his feet, listening to the heavenly words he spoke and being as near to him as possible. Martha, however, got busy in the kitchen, serving Jesus in the way she felt would be meaningful to him, but she quickly grew resentful and bitter toward her sister Mary—who was getting all the attention of Jesus and failing to help her sister prepare for dinner. Jesus affirmed Mary’s decision to leave the work and just be with him, telling Martha that her sister had chosen the “good part, which will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:42).

I just wonder if Martha’s working was to earn the affection and attention of Jesus. If so, she didn’t realize what her sister Mary did: that she already had access to what she needed and wanted from Jesus long before the thought to cook dinner for him had ever entered her mind. Her frustration with her sister came from the feeling that relationship with someone like Jesus should be earned.

A similar example is the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32. When the wayward son had squandered his father’s fortune and finally came home, the father threw him a party and gave him a feast and garments that would have cost another small fortune. The other son, the one who’d stayed behind and been a faithful worker for his father the whole time, grew resentful and bitter over his brother’s receiving the attention and affection of their father. He gets all this, even after all he did?! And look at all the good I’ve done—what do I get? The father replies, “Son, you’ve always been with me, and all that I have is already yours” (Luke 15:31).

Neither son had to work for their father’s affection, attention, or even his resources. The son who had no chance at earning these rewards back after his sin, still receives. And the son who felt all along that he needed to earn those rewards, misunderstood the reality of his father’s love and generosity. Outside the reality of their father’s love and generosity, both brothers were bankrupt—regardless of how seemingly close or far away they were from what they needed and wanted.

Both of these stories teach us that Jesus never meant for us to earn his love. Not only is it impossible to do, but it wouldn’t be love if we did. His desire is for us to live free of the burden of do or don’t deserve and experience the reality of his extravagant goodness that just doesn’t make sense sometimes.

Is our eye evil because God is good (Matthew 20:15)? Do we resent the goodness of God? Only when we believe it is possible to earn the Father’s love. Only when we live our lives trying to work for what we need from the Father without realizing it’s been available to us all along.

The Father sent Jesus to identify as human on our behalf and show us an example of living and working in the Father’s love instead of for it, because the desire of his heart is to have children, a family, not servants or employees. His desire for us is giving and receiving in an environment of love, not a desperate reaching out for what we need in hurried worry that we may not be good enough to get it.

The message of God to us spiritual workaholics is this: “I’ve already provided and paid for what you need and given you immediate access to it in Jesus. It’s more than you could ask for and better than anyone deserves, and it’s my joy for you to have it.” (See Matthew 7:11, Romans 5:8, 1 John 3:1, Colossians 2:10.)

Let’s examine the places of resentment in our lives, those negative thoughts we have about the undeserved good that those around us are receiving, and give those places to God. Hidden beneath them may be the belief that we have to keep impressing and performing for the Father to stay in right relationship with him, and he can heal that too. He wants and has so much more for us than that. The windows of heaven are open, and a new mindset planted in the love of God can be ours today.

How can you invite the Holy Spirit to make the love of God real to you? How can you let go of performance and open your spirit to receive what already belongs to you in Christ?